Super...

E and I got the New Super Mario for Wii. It is awesome. We spent a good chunk of the evening playing. I also baked two pies for tomorrow and made up the mashed potatoes. I get to get up super early tomorrow to start the turkey and the other sides. I can't wait to eat dinner tomorrow!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Tailspin...

Last night I had a complete mental breakdown. I am still having trouble falling asleep, work still sucks and my life is still in shambles. I just broke down in tears and couldn't stop crying. It was awful. I think that I scared my dog and E to death. I laid in bed forever with my pup snuggled up next to me and finally fell asleep. I woke up incredibly early (for me) this morning and still had that sinking feeling.

That was last night. After an unpleasant conversation I had with someone tonight it almost feels like a weight has been lifted. Maybe I am still angry, maybe I am in shock of how ridiculous the entire thing is, or maybe I am glad that I stopped walking on eggshells and just had it out, but I feel a lot better. I was able to say some things that I really wanted to say and was able to really get things off my chest.

Anyway, one thing I realized through all of this crap going on is that I have great friends. My friend L was so great tonight. She let me cry on the phone to and just vent about everything. She gave me some sound advice and even let me interrupt our call to read a text from this other person. Amy has also been really great with advice and lending an ear.

I can't guarantee that everything is all better but for tonight I will hopefully sleep a lot better and I finally know where I stand.

Now For Something Lighter...

I find the auto complete very handy in the Google Search. I was very intrigued by the auto complete function when I typed why and why won't into the search engine today. Note the first things that come up. Someone tell me that isn't hilarious.

Obviously that was done on purpose, but man, that is funny stuff.

I am looking forward to the weekend. It should be a nice break.

Time For Honesty...

As I have mentioned in past posts I have been having an internal struggle. I have been pretty unhappy with most areas of my life for the past month or so. Work is mentally draining to the point where I am angry when I get home each night. I have been having trouble sleeping, I have zero motivation to do anything around the house, I don't want to see friends on the weekends, I don't really want to talk to anyone and I have been having serious questions regarding my relationship.

I am not really sure what is making all of this come up but it is almost like I went to bed one night as one person and woke up another. The thing is, I am not sure I want to go back to being that old person.

I have been coming up with ways to rectify the situations at hand. I had a job interview yesterday that I think went fairly well. I am not 100% sure if I am going to take the new job if offered, but that possibility is there. I am planning on taking a weekend soon and doing a deep clean on my house and purging a lot of junk that I neither need nor want. As far as the sleeping situation, E and I have been sleeping in different spots. Last week I slept on the couch and he slept in our bed. This week he has been sleeping on the couch and I have been sleeping in the bed. Since I had the day off today I bought a new guest bed.

As far as the relationship problem I am still not sure what I am going to do. The situation is very complicated. We have been together for 11 plus years. We have a house together and if our relationship ends I feel like I would just be giving up. I love E more than anything and I don't want to hurt him, the thing is, I don't know if I am IN love with him. There has been such a disconnect between us lately. It is almost like we are roommates instead of a couple. We don't kiss, we don't go out, we fight all the time, and the worst thing is I cannot remember the last time we had sex. (TMI I know) I don't know if this happens in all relationships after two people have been together for so long or what I should do. I don't want to make the wrong choice. I think that I need some time to myself to figure out who I am and what I want before I can continue on with a relationship. Maybe if I have time to figure myself out things will become more clear.

There is one other factor that I am not ready to talk about. It is probably the only thing keeping me sane, but it is also something that is complicating the situation more. It could be the best thing ever or it could end up blowing up in my face. I just have to be patient and see where the road leads.

This About Sums It Up...

"When I'm with you, I'm up all night. Without you, I can't sleep."


Thank you Deepak Chopra. I couldn't have said it better myself.

I Can't Stop...

My thoughts. They consume me. I need to find a way to quiet my brain and just find peace. I need to let what happens happen. I need to not make myself so available. I hope that I can find the strength to slow my mind.

No texts, no email, no calls.

I Wanted...

I Got.



I use the Marc Jacobs Classic Q Hiller hobo 99% of the time, but sometimes trying to find stuff in that bag is a nightmare. I wanted something a little bit different in a brighter color for winter. That is where this cutie comes in. It is the Kendal tote from Cole Haan. Courtesy of Gilt.com.

If anyone wants and invite to Gilt just let me know!